Understanding How To Have A Godly Marriage With Your Husband

James Greer: [00:00:00] Wow, am I excited about that. The title of the message is I am a simple man. Now ladies, y'all are not simple. Men, they're pretty simple. There's a verse in the Bible. You ready? 1 Peter 3:7. And it says, Husbands, likewise dwell with them. Talking about your women. With understanding. Good luck with that. Give honor. That means value them. To your wives as to the weaker vessel. There are some vessels up here. This one's a vessel. I got this from where I can kind of be careful with it, where I don't drop it because valuable. These are vessels. This is the men. They're simple. As being heirs together, as the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. We've had a lot of fun with this, his and her needs. But the ultimate goal was not just to have fun. The ultimate goal is that we can help the two become one because it's not easy. The way to become one is you go through a lot of hard times together and you kind of melt together when you don't give up. It's like iron being melted together. First of all, it's hard. Then it comes under the heat. And then if it doesn't give up, it melts and it becomes one. It's the greatest thing in the world. But today we have just so many things that aren't going together. I mean, I love this. It's kind of a picture of women, of a vessel.

James Greer: [00:02:00] We should be proud of them. I mean, can you imagine getting married and not honor, not being proud to bring your wife out? I mean, all you ever see, Are you married? Why should you ever? Yeah, I'm married. I never see your wife. I know. How come? Well, you know. It's kind of like you say you're saved, but you're not going to get baptized. Or I'm saved, I'm not going to join the church. I mean, I'm married, but I'm not going to show my wife off. I mean, I want my wife to be with me. Amen? Up till a few weeks ago, I see my wife, I said, man, she's hot. And she said, If you say that again, you're in trouble. But she is. But anyway. They're vessels, they're weaker vessels. We're to be proud of them. We're to show them off. When they come in, we ah ha ha ha ha. I mean, they're to be valued. They're of great value. Right? So we treat them different. Men, they're simple. I'm going to quit calling men stupid. I'm just going to say simple. You can drop them. They don't even know it. What's going on? Nothing. Have a good day. Yep. What happened? Oh, we just went to work, came home. They meant what really happened. They want to talk to you. What you want to talk about?

James Greer: [00:03:28] I don't know. I mean, they're just, they're kind of slow. I don't know what else to tell you. Now but see, now, listen. Women, women. They're honor value. They're weaker, though. Beautiful, huh? Worthy. But men, what I tell you? They're kind of slow. So some men, they have weaker vessels, but they're slow. They don't know what they got. They really don't. So they're walking around with this weaker vessel. Right? But they don't treat them like a weaker vessel. So here's their marriage. Men, what do they? Say simple. But they got this beautiful, weaker vessel. Right? But they don't know it. So they. They're so dumb they don't even know what they just did. They said, my marriage is a wreck. And they said, it is. Did you know that that's what's going on with most marriages? They started out, man. They saw her as beautiful. I hope you did. I hope you didn't marry, man, she's so ugly, I can't wait to get married. If you did, you really are stupid. But anyway. But I mean, you were attracted to her. Amen? Amen. Right? Amen? But then he treated her like that. There was no longer value. There's no longer honor. There was no longer a great wealth. And so there's your marriage. And you wanted to know what happened. You're supposed to be the stronger vessel. Really when I say simple is, ladies, listen real close.

James Greer: [00:05:11] Many times, the truth is men do want to please you. They just don't know how. The greatest thing you could do is help your husband understand how to do that. I know it changes every day, but help him. I'm serious. Help your husband understand how he could please you if you want to have a better marriage. He's born to be your protector, your provider, your priest, which is your spiritual leader. And he does care. We've been enjoying and learning his needs and her needs. Last week, mainly it was more about her needs. Her needs, she needs openness and earnestness from a man that builds trust, and that gives a woman security. Women, they really, one of their number one needs is security, and it's built after a long period of time. But you have the right behavior and the right actions, it builds trust and security in their life. And that's what they want. They want to feel, man, my husband, I can trust him so I have security. Second of all, second of all, we learned that men are attracted to physical attraction. Whether you believe it or not, he didn't start dating you because he said, man, she went to Bible study two days a week. No, no, no, no, no. You didn't. No. He thought you were physically attractive. At that time, he didn't care where you went to church or what you did.

James Greer: [00:06:54] Now he may have followed you to church. But he didn't start dating you. I know. Bless you, Jesus. I hope you went to church. But I want you to know men are attracted because the physical attraction starts that way. It starts that way. Now so listen. Now I can tell y'all, don't worry about it, because what's ugly to one person is beautiful to another. You've seen it. You've gone down street and you said, man, how in the world did that guy get that girl? I said that the other day. I know this guy. He's ugly. I mean ugly. He's ugly, ugly, ugly. And he has got the best-looking girl I've ever seen. I don't know if she is blind or what. But I don't know. I don't know how it happens. I really do. I thought about it today. But I mean, it just happens that way. And then guys, you know, they're always trying to fix somebody up. How did you like it? Oh, she is so sweet. That means she's sweet for somebody else. Didn't work. Just didn't happen. But what I'm trying to tell you is this. I just want you to know, I told y'all last Sunday that some people think it's a sin for women not to wear makeup. I think, God, y'all understand it's a sin for some women not to wear makeup. I thank God y'all wear it.

James Greer: [00:08:16] Amen? It's okay here. You know? You know, it's all right. Then we talked about women like intimate conversation. If you had the right relationship with your mate, it becomes a lifestyle. You start talk to them when you come home about your life. You don't come home. You're not this. Not stupid. Simple. What you do at work? Oh, worked. Somebody in office the other day, we were talking about our series coming up and talking about when Easter came. And one of them said, well, it's on Sunday. No joke, Sherlock. It's on Sunday. I'm talking about the date. But anyway, you come home and you say, Hey, how'd your day go? Fine. What did you do? Went to work. Dum dum, dum, dum, dum. That's not exactly what they meant. They meant what did you do? Who did you talk to? How did it go? Did you have a hard time? You know? But other than that, you start talking about your hurts, your dreams, your feelings. And if you get the right kind of mate, that's your life. Because you're going to go through life and you're going to have some heartaches. You're going to have people lie about you. You're going to have people hurt you. And you need somebody close, a companion that you can share. And your mate's going to have lives that she gets hurts and heartaches. And she needs somebody she can share with.

James Greer: [00:09:51] And not being ugly, I've tried to teach either you and your mate have that kind of intimate conversation, or they'll find somebody to do it with. So anyway, that was last week. We mainly talked about women's needs and this Sunday, oh, men, it's our Sunday. And all the men said. You better man up, men, because you can't wait. You know you want it. All the men said. I bet you if I said this is for married men, first part's married men. Okay? If you're a married man, you don't have to be a doctor. You don't have to be a counselor. You don't have to be a preacher. If I said, could you guess what the number one need of men are, what would you say? Even the women guess. What would y'all think it was? The women may know more than the men. The men are. Okay, y'all ready? What's the number one need of men? Sex. Amen? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or think it is. Anyway, anyway. So men, number one need. I mean, they just can figure it out somehow. Now we're talking about married. Amen? Right? So the main reason most wives don't understand husbands' deep need for sex is the same reason most men don't understand women's deep need for intimate conversation. Uh-oh. I know this ain't happened to you. Has your wife ever told you, I just want you to hug me?

James Greer: [00:11:30] Yeah. Don't say anything. I know Steve was there. I would get him because I can. And Miranda said, That's not what I meant, Steven. I meant just hug me. Honey, can you just hug me without doing that? Doing what? I mean, you know what I'm talking about. He says, What good is that? Men think that's the cure for everything. I had a bad day. Let's have sex. We're having financial problems. Let's have sex. My car broke down. Let's have sex. I mean, men are. Just trying to help you ladies. They're slow. That's just the way they are. I want you to know, you know, just because your husband is simple. Not dumb. Simple. You don't have to be. No, no, no. Men aren't real smart when it comes to women. They're just not. That's why the truth is you need to help them. Not just with that. They want to please you. They just don't know how. You know? Let's go further. Let's go further. You need to be able to help the men. Men are not like women. They're kind of simple. They don't know what to do. They're just, you know, basic. Basically, ladies, if you're married, don't try to complicate your husband's life. You're complicated. And he just he wants to do sex and respect. And you're trying to, Don't you need this, husband? Don't you need that? Why don't you think harder on that? Why don't you pray hard on that? Why don't you do all these things? And then he's going, Oh my God, now I've got to do all this other stuff.

James Greer: [00:13:13] Just let him, you do everything else. He's just simple. You'll be better off. He'll be happy. He doesn't even know what's going on. My wife does it to me all the time. I think I'm in control. She says, Hey, honey, How you doing? Great, great, great. Guess where we're going. We're going here. I know you love it, honey. I mean, I'm so glad you're taking this. I mean, you're providing us. I asked her yesterday, we're going out of town Tuesday, by the way, where are we going? Somebody at work said, you don't even know where you're going? I said, no. Are you going on vacation? I think. Are you in control? I'm paying for it. She respects me. Yes, sir. She sure does. I'm taking the lead. She's just driving the car. When I get to where we're going, I am driving. How about that? Believe that? I might be paying for it, but I'm driving. I mean, ladies, the truth is if you really knew how to handle men, it's not that hard. It's just not. The Bible tells you, when it's summing up relationships between men and women in Ephesians, it says, nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself.

James Greer: [00:14:36] Men, what do you do with your wives? Love them. That means have them first place. Love them more. I mean, it gets down to the nitty gritty, you don't have enough money to buy something, they get to go first. I mean, they're first place. Amen? That doesn't mean sex. That's real love. That's agape love. That's Christ-type love. And women, respect your husbands. Women do not make fun of your husbands out in public please. That is the worst thing in the world you can do for him and everybody around. Do not do that. If you got to do that, where do you get home and get in a closet or something. Anyway. Ladies, for y'all that are not married, let me give you a little secret, ladies. Free. If you're not married, your husband thinks when you get married and you say, I do, he thinks I do. We're going to have sex all the time. That's what he thinks. I'm just telling you ahead of time. So don't get married if that's not what you think. Because that's what he's thinking. You're thinking, Oh, it's going to be so romantic. And we're going to sit on the sand and talk and watch TV together. That's not what he's thinking. That's what you're thinking. He is what? He's simple. Be careful. He's simple. Simple. Let me give you this.

James Greer: [00:16:01] You ready? Ready? Some excuses women make. I don't enjoy it. No joke. You know, I hope he does some things with you that he doesn't enjoy. Here's true. Y'all ready? Men and women. Life is not all about you. We got one of the staff's wives and I just love it. She's so, so sweet. And she said, My thought for the rest of the year is life is not going to be all about me. Isn't that sweet? I want to try to live the rest of this year about life, not all about me. Wouldn't it be great in your marriage period, men and women, if you said life's not going to be all about me? Number two, this is true because I counseled for 35-plus years. If it hurts, go to the doctor. I'm not joking. Talk to your husband. Go to the doctor. Number three, I love this. Why should I do that anyway? Y'all ready? Ladies, you ready? For every lady that says, Why should I do it anyway? Because the Bible says so. Yep. That's a pretty good reason. Not because Pastor James says so. How about the Bible says so? I like that so much better. Men, you're over here. How about the Bible says so? That's a pretty good reason. We'll talk about that later. He tries to come to bed unclean, smells dirty, got bad breath.

James Greer: [00:17:29] Y'all ready? He's simple. Tell him to go take a shower or take a bath. You go tell him. He might even do it. He might even ask you to come join him. I don't know. But just tell him. He's simple. Amen? This is almost fun. Okay. Okay. Women say, my needs aren't met. Men are. I got a great idea. I got a great idea. Tell him. He's simple. How he can help meet those needs. Okay? Men are simple most of the time. Simple men really do love you. Most men would do almost anything in the world to meet their mates' needs, physical, emotional, and spiritual if they knew how to do it, if you would help them do that. Ladies, you think they know how, but they really and truly, I'm not joking, they don't. Help tell them how. A few things that women need to understand about sex. Men's sex drive is much higher than most women. Their testosterone level is much higher. If you want to know what it's like, let's get you a patch and wear it for a few weeks. Remember this. This applies to most men. Some men have medical problems. You be very patient with them. Some doctors give men medication, and it affects their sexual drive and they should be shot and killed. No. I'm just joking. But they should definitely explain it to them, and they should explain it to their wives.

James Greer: [00:19:35] Ladies, do not ever do this, especially ever in public. Don't say, Well, my husband just can't have sex anymore. We're very careful with them, with the doctors. There is also medication that can help them today. I am going to warn you about hurting a man's manhood. It can lead to that. I've seen it. I've seen them get to an age and that happen and they leave their mates over that. Just a warning. You need to understand, especially younger women. We switching back now. Okay? Not having sex with your husband over a long period of time leaves him very open to temptation. Men, women, that leaves him open to temptation. Men that does not give you the biblical right to commit adultery and have sex outside the marriage. Nothing does. Women, you shouldn't do it. Men, you shouldn't do it. I mean, there's other things you do if you have to do. I'm not going to get into that, though. But that's not one of them. I don't believe in any justification of that whatsoever. I don't believe you come to my office and say, why did you commit adultery? Why did you run? Well, she wasn't giving me enough sex. No. That's totally wrong and unbiblical. That's not right. The Bible says in the 1 Corinthians verse 7, Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality. Listen really close. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man and his wife have his own wife or husband.

James Greer: [00:21:15] What he's saying, not everybody should even get married. You're living in a society that when people aren't married, they're always trying to get them married. If you read this in the context and you understood it in the context, listen, Paul was really saying a lot of you, it's better if you don't get married. You don't ever hear that church today. Why is it better? Because once you get married, then the Bible said, Well, you've got some obligation to your husband. Husbands, now you've got some obligations to your wife. When you're not married, you're free to serve God. You can put Him in first place in your life. You're not on the same obligations you are. So listen, if you're not married, don't feel obligated to get married. See, only feel obligated if you feel like you can't be sexually clean without immorality. But you might have a strong, strong calling to serve God and do whatever God's called you to do. That's just as strong a calling, if not as good or better. And we don't hear that today. We start making feel people feel bad if they're not married. That's not what the Bible says. So, you know if you should, if you shouldn't because of that time. Verse 3. All right. Let husbands render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise, also the wife to her husband.

James Greer: [00:22:48] And so, you know, I like it. There's another translation that I'll read it to you. It's a pretty good translation too. Husbands, you should fulfill your wife's sexual needs. Now, this is what that means, men. You ready? All the men listen. When your wife wants to have sex, don't say, I got another headache. Y'all just quit doing that. Not tonight, honey. Another night. And ladies, here it goes. And wives should fulfill her husband's sexual needs. Now I know the wife doesn't do that. It's usually men. Anyway. For men, that does mean more than just hold her. It does mean you can have sexual relationships, but it means more than that. The truth any woman does not know, many women don't know it's their God-given responsibility to meet their husband's sexual needs. I've known women, men, they're just Bible teachers. They're out there praising God. I mean, it's like, that's Ms. Christian. But when it comes to this, let's get the book of Corinthians. You can't do that. I can remember, this is a true story, I was teaching, me and my wife, I know where at, we were teaching a couples class. And there was every bit almost as many couples in here sitting there. And I was reading this verse. Right in front of everybody, lady raised their hand. Says, Brother James? Said, Yeah. She said, Well, I really don't like that verse.

James Greer: [00:24:31] I said, Well, I should have said, let's go talk in private. Not me. No. I said, What's the problem? She said, he likes to have sex all the time and I really don't. No, she said, I don't like having sex that much. He raised his hand. He said, But I do. That's why I should have said, do y'all want to talk in private? But they wanted to talk in public. So I said, I've got a great idea. They said, What is it? She said, Well, we fight about this every single day. Every day? Every day. I said, Well, how about Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays? She said, If we do it Monday, Tuesday, and Fridays, are we going to quit fighting about it and he's going to leave me alone? I look at him and said, How about it? He said, Praise God. Monday, Tuesday, and Friday without fighting? I don't even have to be a counselor. We got a cure. Amen? Let's continue with the class. And we did. We just went right on. I mean, I thought, oof, not every class can be like that. Anyway. Verse four. The wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband doesn't have authority over his own body, the wife does. Now, you know, that doesn't mean that you misuse or abuse. But it does mean that both meet the needs of other. And then it says, listen, I love this part.

James Greer: [00:25:53] That you may give yourself to fasting and prayer. Why? To come together again. So that what? Satan does not tempt you because you lack self-control. Again, what did I tell you about singles? If you feel like that's not a problem, controlling yourself, maybe God called you to be single. But for y'all that are married, only for a certain time, then you come back together except for prayer and fasting. Now, when I teach this, ladies, this does not help. If you've never gone home and said I'm praying or fasting, now your husband wants to have sex. Honey, I'm praying and fasting right now. That does not work. You can't start prayer and fasting when you never have before. That's not fair. You just ate supper. All right. Number two. Let's move on. Men. We don't have a lot of time left. We have to move on. Men have a great need for recreational companionship. You date and you're hunting and you're fishing and you want to go everywhere with them, watch TV, you marry them. I don't like to do that anymore. Don't try to get married and then change your mate. Pretty well what you see is usually what you get. Sometimes they change. Spending recreational time with your mate is ranked second only next to sex.

James Greer: [00:27:24] The best thing you could do is learn to enjoy or at least tolerate with a smile some of the recreational things your husband does. I don't know what it is. Hunting, fishing. I didn't do much of that. Camping. You know, whatever it is that he likes to do. And then hopefully, he'll do some of the things that you like to do. I have a daughter-in-law, Lisa, she has four boys. Really five because my son is nothing but a big old boy. Sweet boy. Because y'all a lot of times watch online. So what does she do? They hunt, they fish, they play ball. I mean, so what does she do? She hunts, she fishes, she learns to play ball. I mean, if they go to the camp, she goes to camp. If they go hunting, she goes hunting. I mean, she goes with all of the little boys and the big boy. And then hopefully, when she's ready to go somewhere, the big boy goes where she goes. I'm just saying, ladies, learn to do something that they like to do because recreational is big for men. Amen? Do you want to know why it's so big for men? Because Genesis 2:7 says, listen, and God formed man from the dust of the ground, and He breathed life into his nostrils and man became a living being. Another translation puts it better. It says this. And God, you know what He did? God formed man out of the dirt. That's just why men are, they're made of dirt.

James Greer: [00:28:42] That's why they're always dirty. That's why they like to go outside. They like to be in the dirt. So let me give you some closing thoughts, and then I got one more point I want to make. Does your husband, do you know what your husband's favorite recreational thing to do is? Not sex. Besides that. Do you know what your husband's favorite recreational thing is to do? Do you know it? If you don't, you need to. Are you with your favorite partner? In other words, is he your favorite partner to do things with? Do you join your husband in the favorite activities? Do you search for mutual enjoyment activities? If not, you should talk about it today. Did you know that your purpose for marriage is for two to become one? Did you know how easy it is to go home and find out where you're really at? There's only two questions. You get across apart from each other and say, Hey, honey, am I fulfilling your sexual needs? Am I enjoying sexual I mean, sexual, recreational activities together? That's your homework. But listen, you're really missing the whole point. Really, truly, marriage is a picture of a heavenly relationship. It's to be the truth about intimacy. It says in Ephesians 5, For this reason, man should leave his father and mother and be joined together as to his wife. And two should become what? One. It goes on to say, Why? Because this is a great mystery.

James Greer: [00:30:22] But I speak of Christ and the church. It's written in the context of marriage. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and the wife to respect her husband. The key to a great marriage is the husband loves his wife and the wife, of course, respects her husband. But the truth about sex, marriage, and intimacy, God was teaching us the great mystery of the church. The marriage is to be an example of a relationship with Christ. If it's the right, it's a small glimpse of what it'll be like, the intimacy when we get to Heaven. How great it will be. So, number one, you've got to make sure you're going to Heaven. In other words, if something happened to you today, are you 100% sure that you would go to Heaven? If not, today's the day to settle it. Is your marriage a small example of what it'd be like in a relationship when you get to Heaven? Is your marriage the type that other people would want to have? They say, Hey, they've got something different. They always want to be together. There's something different in their marriage, and that's what I want. See, God wants Christian marriages and relationships to be different and other people to want what they have. Because, see, God wants us to want to go to Heaven.

James Greer: [00:31:41] Because when we get there, we're going to have such an intimate relationship, we're not going to even need a mate. We're going to know each other. We're going to love each other. But the real intimacy is going to be me and Christ. And that's what He wants for you. If you don't have that, today's the day to have that. If there's something between you and your wife, today's the day to get it. It says it affects your prayer life. Today's the day to get that straight. If you come here and it's not a matter of you're married or not married, maybe you're not married, but you know that God's got a pull on your heart to be married. I told you how you know that. Because God says if you're afraid that you're going to commit immorality if you don't get married, that means God says, Hey, you probably should get married. And God says, I'll open the doors no man can shut and I'll shut the doors that no man can open. And therefore you need to come and pray that God would open the right door. But yet, if you're single and you don't have that pull, you need to say, God, use me, God. Use me. Maybe you're here and you had a problem that we didn't even talk about. But I'm going to tell you, God's presence here, when God's presence is here, God's power is here. When God's power is here, God's protection is here.

James Greer: [00:32:54] Two or three together, God's here and you should come and you should just give your problem to God. And you should go home with a peace that surpasses all understanding. So let's stand and let me pray with you and pray for you. God, I thank you for being here today. I thank you for your Word. It's so powerful. It's so practical. God, maybe there's somebody that needs to join the church and today would be the day. Maybe they need to follow through in public baptism. It's just like I was talking about the little teacup. You know? We need to show it off. We need to be proud. We don't need to be ashamed of you. Maybe you were baptized as a child. Now, you want to be baptized as an adult. Maybe you just need to come and pray and you have something you need to get right with God. Maybe there's a problem and you need the peace that surpasses all understanding. Maybe as a couple, and there's something between, you need to come pray together. Say, hey, I don't want our prayers hindered. Whatever God has laid upon your heart, whether it's to join the church, follow through in baptism, or just something God's laid upon your heart, you need to come and just pray at the altar. Whatever God's done, let Him have His will and His way. It's in Christ's name I pray. Amen.

Bruce Goulart: [00:33:58] Man, if that is you, if you need to take your next step, hey, guys, there is a number right now. (318) 413-6422. If you text the word MOVE, MOVE to that number, it will send you to a link where you can take your next step. Maybe that is baptism. Maybe you are ready to proclaim the Lord as your Savior and you need salvation. And also, if you're in the comments right now on Facebook or on YouTube, hey, you can comment down right now if you need prayer and someone will get with you right away. I want to say thank you so much for being here today with our HIS Needs HER Needs series, and I hope to see you next week.


Recorded in Pineville, Louisiana.