How to Restore Harmony in the Home

Do You Struggle With Conflict And Keeping Harmony At Home?

James Greer
May 23, 2021    26m
In a family, there will be conflicts. And until we understand where it comes from, we will always struggle with conflict and keeping harmony at home. Join us this Sunday as Brother James shares where conflict comes from and how we can overcome it in our homes and bring about harmony. Video recorded at Pineville, Louisiana.

messageRegarding Grammar:

This is a transcription of the sermon. People speak differently than they write, and there are common colloquialisms in this transcript that sound good when spoken, and look like bad grammar when written.

James Greer: [00:00:01] Man, wasn't the praise team just on fire this morning? Amen? We're glad to have Mica and his little bride back. Yeah. Well, hey, did he come back at the right time? How to restore harmony in the home. You know, the honeymoon's over. It's only begun. Hey, listen, you know, I understand when you come, whether you're downstairs, upstairs, good group up there, online or they watch on TV later. I understand you forget 80% to 90%. Boy. But there are three things I'd like for you to really remember. I'd like, I don't know, in school, they probably give you the homework at the end of the lesson. I'd like to give you some homework in the beginning. I want to give you three things that would really, really help you restore harmony in the home. Because I could tell you, you're going to have conflicts. I have conflicts. You have conflicts. We all have conflicts. Amen? But there are three things. Number one, number one. I want you to learn, this isn't in the notes. I'll be preaching on it, but you should write these three things down. It's homework that I want you to practice this week.

James Greer: [00:01:13] Number one, focus more on the cure than the conflict. Because if you're not careful, once you're in the middle of a conflict, the conflict just keeps going and going and going and going. And you keep talking about the conflict. So instead, focus more on the cure and then spend a little time, stop and say, hey, we're going to cool it for a while. We're going to spend some time building some equity in our relationship. And then we're going to go back and then we'll talk about the cure for the conflict. You do know how to spend some equity in your relationship? Whether you go out to eat, whether you do something special for each other. So build a little equity. And then go back and talk about what could be the cure for the conflict? Number one, right?

James Greer: [00:01:56] Number two. Number two. You ready? Spend time talking about your transformation process. Oh. See, now, if you're not saved, you get saved and you get saved, that reduces your conflict and it increases your harmony. There's less hassle and more harmony. But if you're saved, your homework is to talk to your mate about how you've been transformed since you've been saved. See, what happens is we spend a lot of time. Say, man, I got saved, I got baptized, joined the church. Amen? But we don't spend a whole lot of time talking about every man be in Christ, a new creature, old things pass away, all things become new. How have you been transformed? How have you changed from the inside to the outside which changes your behavior because you've been transformed? So see, during a conflict, say, oh, how have I been transformed? You know what I told my wife? I said, you think I'm bad now? You should have seen me before. But that's not really right. I mean really how have I transformed? I'm not as angry, I'm not as ugly, I'm not as mean. You see what I'm saying? Talk about what is the difference, how are you different now than you were before you're saved? If you're no different, you might not be saved. Oh.

James Greer: [00:03:15] Number three, number three. Three things, three things. Try to be the first to humble yourself. I always I tell the staff over and over, the most mature should be the first one to apologize. The most mature should be the first one to humble. Man, it is hard to say, I'm sorry, forgive me, isn't it? So who could be the first one to humble itself during a conflict? The most mature. So there's three things that before we ever start the lesson. I've given you homework. And if you practice those three things, you'll begin to restore harmony in the home. Those are those three things are pretty good in the house. Well, I can tell you, you're going to have some fighting before long. You're just going to do it. And all of y'all said, oh, not me. You're just lying because somebody in your house is upset with you or they will be. So if you'll practice that. Wouldn't you like to have more harmony? Amen? Man, three simple steps. If you don't do your homework, you fail the test and you just have less harmony. Amen? And what happens when you fail the test, you just have to repeat it again.

James Greer: [00:04:27] See, there's five common areas of conflict in every marriage, every relationship, and every home. If you're married, you fight about money, fight about sex, you fight about the kids. How are you going to raise? One’s too strict, one’s not. I mean you just do that. In-laws and outlaws. Oh, yeah. And communication or unmet expectations. Those are just some areas that every marriage, every relationship, they're going to have conflict in those areas. The important insight to remember is conflict is common. It is common to have conflict. In fact, I think if you don't have some conflict, there's something wrong with you. You're just not being truthful. But correct, listen, correctly handling conflict is not common. Instead of having harmony and happy families, we feel like it's a hassle. There are some people who feel like it's a hassle every day they go home. I had two couples recently that were divorced and I talked to them both. They said, man, everything seemed great till we got married. And then it seemed like every day there was a conflict. I've told you before, I don't think anybody should get married until they have conflict resolution, until they've had at least two major arguments, major problems. You should not get married and work through them. That's what they both said. They got divorced because they had conflict. Dude, you better not get married again because you’re gonna have a conflict again. I asked one of them, true story, how many times you've been married? Five. I said, I got a secret for you. I don't know in Louisiana how many times you can get married. I thought it was five.

James Greer: [00:06:14] But if they marry you number six, you're going to have conflict. So let me get, you ready for a few insights? Number one, number one. You're going to have conflict. The Bible tells us. Even in Job 14:1, listen to this. All of us born of women. That we only live a few days and you have lots of troubles. You're just full of troubles. I mean you're born, I love this because we got some people on staff that just have little ones at home. Oh, Andrew just happen to walk in. And he has R.J. who I often call J.R. It drives him crazy. But anyway, R.J. I mean he's just a little bitty thing. He’s full of trouble. He cries all the time. Yes, he does. And the Bible said that was going to happen. But listen, y’all, when they're in the hospital, they are so sweet. They are so pretty, aren't they? When they get home, oh, they can be something else. The Bible says at Psalms 51:5, you know what it says? It says, surely, not maybe. It says, surely I was sinful form birth. But so were y'all. I mean since you're born, you're already sinful. Sinful from the time that you were born, from the time your mother conceived you. See, we were born into sin. So see, we can be reborn and we don't have to pay the consequences of our sin, but we still struggle with sin. Amen? Now, listen, that's what, Jesus never gave in to sin. He was never under the power of sin. Jesus always had victory over sin. So when we get saved, we don't have to pay the consequences of sin. We don't have the guilt, the condemnation, we don't have to go to hell. But we still struggle with sin.

James Greer: [00:08:14] So number two. Number one, we all have conflict. But number two, if you’ll get Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you'll have more victories over the conflict. So the second thing you would do is if you're not born again, if you're not saved, you haven’t made Jesus your Lord and Savior, Lord and Savior, that would be it. I didn't say you would continue to have conflict. I just said if you're born again and you're being transformed, you'll learn to handle it correctly. You'll have less conflict. The Bible says in John 8:32, you shall know the truth and the truth will what? Set you free. So as we learn the truth and why we have conflict and how to have more victories, we have more harmony. Third, guess what? Jesus wants us to have less conflict. He doesn't want you to live in confusion in your home and in conflict all the time. Jesus said, He's not the author of confusion but of peace. See, the closer you are to Jesus, the less confusion you have. He said, I'm not the author of confusion, but of peace. As to all the churches and all the saints. We’re the saints. I’m gonna stand at the door the day I finally get to go outside again. Amen. And y’all get to see St. James. Tell my wife if you would. I wish y’all, I shouldn’t do this but I’m gonna read the next version. I just love it. Just to get y’all going. I did it on purpose. Y’all know what the next verse says? Let women keep silent in church. All the men said, oh, I can’t believe you said that. They’re not even permitted to speak. How quiet it is in here. But they’re to be submissive as all the laws. And all the women said, shut up. Women, women, y’all can speak in church. We got some of the greatest women leaders in church anywhere I know. Amen? It was written back in the time that it got in the confusion. It was out of hand.

James Greer: [00:10:27] Did y’all know, this is for free. Most women don't like to be submissive. Let me, y'all ready for free insight to change your life about it? Did y’all know that Jesus was the most submissive person I know? Did you know Jesus was the most powerful person I know? Did you know that at least 47 times Jesus talked about His submission to Christ? Did you know that Jesus submitted to Christ to the death? Did you know because Jesus submitted, we don't have to die but we live again? Amen? Ladies, you relate to Jesus Christ. Amen? That's good, Brother James. So anyway, Jesus said, I’m not the author of confusion. So who is? Satan. So Jesus wants us to know that Satan is your battle. Your battle is really not with your mate. Ephesians 6:10, it tells us. My brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Man, God's powerful. He has unbelievable might. He has unbelievable strength. Put on the whole armor of God that you'll be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we don't wrestle against flesh and blood. No, it’s not your mate. It's not your boss. It's surely not your pastor. When I said, women be quiet in church, that was so funny. [inaudible]

James Greer: [00:11:53] But anyway, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers in darkness, they say, against spiritual host and witness heavenly places. You know, He wants you to know that you’ve got spiritual battles is what’s going on. It’s not your mate. And the sooner you understand that, the sooner you’ll understand how to battle. Fourth, it says, it’s the wiles of the devil. It means the devil is playing a strategy. He's developing a specific plan to take you out. He does. He says, listen, I can get you off your game. I can discourage you. Really, did you know what the devil's main plan is? It’s to get distance between you and God. If I can get distance between you and God, I get distance between you and any relationship and then I can destroy it. I can just take you out. So he has a plan. He watches. He said, what pushes their buttons? What causes you to overreact? What causes you to be fearful, causes you to doubt? And if you’ll start being aware of that, you’ll become aware of how Satan is planning his strategy and how he's trying to attack you. And you can start having victory over him. Amen? See, Satan’s strategy is to deceive you, to tempt you, and then to accuse you. He'll make you think on your job, you know, listen, my boss, he's just, you know, he's not treating me right. He's not paying me right. So I should take off earlier. I should cheat on the clock. I should steal.

James Greer: [00:13:11] He’ll make you think your mate’s just not loving you like she should. So at work, I can have a relationship or I can cheat. I'm not getting recognized well enough. I mean, he's just a deceiver. He's a liar. He deceives you by making I deserve more. Be aware when you start thinking, I deserve more. Satan is a liar. Open your eyes. Open your heart. Open your spirit. He's usually trying to deceive you. God's strategy is I love you, I convict you, I cleanse you, I comfort you, and I commission you. It's always been that. That's the difference. I mean even back in the beginning in Genesis 3. Even when they sinned and they got separated from God, in the evening, they heard the Lord. He was walking in the garden and they hid among the trees. See, sin causes fear in your life. You start imagining things. But the Lord God, He called out to me and you, even if we sin, no matter what we've done, He said, where are you? He wants to find you. He wants to bring you back in there. He wants to cover you in spite of any sin. No matter, He wants to cleanse you. Adam named his wife Eve because of her mother of humans, and the Lord made clothes out of animal skins for Adam and Eve. And He clothed them? Do you know why He clothed them? They had sinned, they had run, they had blamed each other. And God said, listen, I'm going to go take an animal, probably a lamb, killed them to make the clothes and clothed them. Because He said, there's going to be one day, I’m gonna send my son. My son's name is Jesus Christ. I’m gonna shed the blood and I must go after every sinner. And I'm going to try to forgive them of their sin and cleanse them from all their sins.

James Greer: [00:14:52] See, that's the difference. Jesus Christ wants to bring you back together. He wants to cleanse you and forgive you. Satan wants to separate you and deceive you. Seventh. Look at the cure for your conflict. This is homework. When I have a conflict from now on, bingo, let's start looking for the cure. What’s the cure? We disagree. Husband and wife, we disagree about money. Let's look for a cure. We disagree about the way we're raising kids. Let's look for a cure. Have you ever thought about what a difference it’d make? Because there's a warning. Understand, if you don't have a cure, you’ll keep repeating the conflict. I know people that have been married five years, they're still fighting about the same dadgum conflict. Come on. Get a life. I think you like to fight. If you don't learn to handle conflict correctly, your relationship will eventually collapse. See, at church, we're not supposed to be the same as the world. Amen? You're supposed to come to church to be transformed. You're supposed to learn application. You're supposed to learn biblical principles. But you have to apply them. The key is to stop repeating the same conflict over and over and spend more time finding the cure to the conflict. Homework, focus more on the cure than the conflict. Stop long enough to pour some equity into each other. I don't care if you’re having conflict. Couple of points. Say, hey, honey, we're going to stop conflict. We're gonna stop fighting for a while. Let's pour some equity into each other. And you find how can I pour equity into my mate? Take her out to eat. Take her at dinner. Send her some flowers. I don't know. However you find to pour equity in the other person. And she can find ways to pour equity into you.

James Greer: [00:16:50] And you'll do that for a few days, do it for a week, and then come back to the conflict. Sometimes the conflicts are not so big. Amen? Because I'm gonna tell you, a family divided against itself is going to fall apart. A home filled with strife and division destroys its own self. You got to understand where conflict comes from. James tell us in 1:4. It says, didn’t you know where fights come from and arguments and conflict? They come from selfish desires at war from within. The main reason conflict is because you're selfish. Remember, most people don't see their own selves. They don't understand that they're selfish. Most of us don't see ourselves as we are. We see ourselves as we want to be. So the most selfish people in the world, most selfish people in your home, your most selfish person that you know, even if it's your mate, it could be you. And you don't even know it because you don't see yourselves as you really are selfish. Selfishness is the root of most problems. We're born or born again, and we talk about that. But we don't talk about transformed. Way, way too many people say, I'm reborn. How about being transformed? How about talking about Romans 12:2, don't be conformed in this world. That's conflict all the time.

James Greer: [00:18:11] But be transformed by the renewing of your mind. You hear the Word, you read the Word, and you apply the Word. You come to church, you receive it, you hear it. But you leave and you apply it. Amen? I'm going to be transformed. I'm going to renew my mind. I'm going to change the way I think that I can prove what is a good, acceptable, perfect will of God. I start knowing what God wants me to do. I start following God's plan for my life. That's your homework. What's your homework? Talk about being transformed. And therefore, I stop blaming each other for the problem. Blaming is laming. That's just laying the blame. We do that because we don't want to accept our own responsibility. We don't want to release it. There's a problem with that. When they can blame others, it releases them from accepting their own responsibility. But it doesn't release the person's problem. When we don't accept blame, we live in shame. When we don't accept blame, we live in anger and obsessed with blaming other people. Release it today. Accept your own blame for your problem.

James Greer: [00:19:28] In closing, I'll gonna give some kind of a recap and some insight. Do y’all understand how practical this lesson is? Do y’all understand this could change every relationship? It doesn't just have to be married. It can be on the job, it could be in school, it could be at home. But it can change it. Number one, you've got to understand there's going to be conflict. The first step to make sure you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. If you don't do that, today's the day. You got to understand Jesus wants you to have less conflict. Jesus said, I'm not the author of confusion but of peace. Jesus wants you to have it. You got to have it His way, not your way. You got to understand that the devil is, the wiles of the devil. He's trying to find what's pushing your buttons, what's causing you to overreact, what are you fearful of, what do you doubt? That's what the wiles of the devil are doing. He's pushing your buttons. He's causing you to overreact because he's trying to get distance between you and God. Don't let him put distance between you and God. I don't care how you feel. I don't care what you've done. Just confess it and forsake it and get right back with God. Because he'll get distance between you and your relationship. God said, I want you to bring you back. Didn't you see how He went after Adam and Eve even after they had sinned and after the garden? They were running, and God ran after them. Jesus Christ is running after you. I don't care what you've done. He died on the cross and shed His blood. He will cleanse you, forgive you, and commission you.

James Greer: [00:21:08] Look at the cure, not just the conflict. That's your homework. How could we focus? What is the cure? I mean make a list of all the possibilities, all the answers to all the conflict that you're having. Don't just have it your way either. That's what conflict starts with. Selfishness. Doesn't have to just be my way. Let's find out what the solution could be. Let's pour some equity into our relationships, and then let's come back and let's talk about it again. Homework number two. Let's spend some time talking about our transformation process in our life. See, there's some baby Christians. You were born just like babies are born. I can promise you one thing. Andrew and Taylor, y’all just love the baby. I know you do. But y’all don't want him to stay a baby. They want him to mature. They want him to grow up, enjoy every process. And I hope everyone of y'all been born a second time. If you haven’t, today's the day to be born a second time. But I can tell you, if you hadn't been being transformed, you're still acting like a baby. You're still crying. You've got to have your way. And when you don't have your way, you throw a fit. Just a cry baby. Easily angered, easily upset.

James Greer: [00:22:41] And today, you say, hey, I need to start working on being transformed. I want you and your mate, you and your mom, dad, whoever that relationship is to start talking about, hey, I need to start being transformed. The fruit of the spirit is love and joy and peace and longsuffering, gentleness, faith in me. That's the transformed person's life. That's the Spirit-filled life. The Holy Spirit is telling you right now, if you need to grow in that area. It doesn't do any good to lie to the Holy Spirit because that begins to quench. Instead of getting better, it gets worse. And so that's one of the areas the Bible said, any man in Christ, you're a new creature. All things pass away and all things become new. In other words, you should be coming closer and closer to Christ. You should becoming more and more like Him. And so the Holy Spirit has prompted you and you know where you are today. So would you stand and let me pray with you and pray for you? God, just a great day. clear practical application, God. I pray each person would take their homework home, they would be the first one to humble themselves where they could have harmony.

James Greer: [00:24:02] They would look for a cure for every conflict. They would talk about being transformed and look for ways that they could transform their lives. They do it by renewing their mind. They need to be in church every Sunday. They need to hear the Word. They need to read the Word. But God, I pray that every single person, upstairs, downstairs, online, on TV, that they would apply this Word. Now God, I pray that you’d have the Holy Spirit, sir, that He would have His way this morning. For those that need to rededicate their lives and said, hey, I haven’t been transformed like I should. For those that need to accept Jesus as their Savior to be born again, for those that need to join the church, you can come to the altar today. We have people there. You can do it in your next step card. You can do it online. You can come for baptism. Man, we've already had I think 37 this year and we've got six today. God, we give you the honor and the glory and the praise. But God, what I want most is for you to speak to individuals and then to have your will, your way in their lives. And I ask it in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Richie Thornton: [00:25:28] On behalf of Paster James, I just want to say thank you for joining our online experience today. Man, we are finishing up with week three of Family Matters. And this series has been absolutely amazing so far. But if you need someone to pray with you right now, we have people on standby that are willing to pray with you. So there should be a link down your comments right now or in the description that you can go to, fill out, and someone will get with you right away. And I just hope to see you next week as we continue our series, Family Matters. Thank you.

Recorded in Pineville, Louisiana.
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Journey Church
2900 Donahue Ferry Rd
Pineville, Louisiana 71360