HIS Needs HER Needs | How to Have Your Greatest Needs Met

Understanding Why You Should Trust God With Your Marriage

James Greer
May 1, 2022    35m
Join us in this message as we look closely at the needs of both husband and wife in marriage and why you need to trust God with your marriage. To meet these needs, there must be trust; trust in the Lord and in each other. Video recorded at Pineville, Louisiana.

messageRegarding Grammar:

This is a transcription of the sermon. People speak differently than they write, and there are common colloquialisms in this transcript that sound good when spoken, and look like bad grammar when written.

James Greer: [00:00:00] Man, we start a new series today, His Needs, Her Needs. Amen? You should have two brochures. One has an outline and one, if you're a couple, you take it home. You don't fill it out right now. If you filled it out right now and you looked at each other, y'all might start fighting in church. But this is so important. We've done a lot of work on it. Well, Joy did a lot of work on it. I just had the idea. But anyway. So bring it home and be honest with each other. And if you're married and you're a couple, wouldn't you like to grow together and get closer together and have more intimacy together? Amen? It doesn't matter if you've been married one year or like me, 48 years or 50 years. I mean yeah, man. The longer it is, the better it is in most areas. No, it's just great. But you always keep growing, and sometimes you think you're really better in one area than you really are. And what happens is sometimes you don't answer truthfully because you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. But I can tell you sometimes when disagreements are handled correctly, that's where intimacy grows. So I'm going to tell you, if you really want to grow as a couple, you answer them and then you come back together and you just simply talk about it.

James Greer: [00:01:21] If you'll be truthful and honest, just really do it, you will grow. People said, Well, like Noah. No, I love Noah's questions. He said, Well, how about if you're not married? Well, wouldn't you like to know how to have your needs met before you get married? Amen? And the truth is, the problem is there are so many unmarried people that are frustrated and don't even know why. Or you're going to date one day. And wouldn't you like to know when you date what you're looking for? Amen? And so this isn't just for married people, though it will help you unbelievably. The principles would apply to anybody and everybody. Now, we really took the simplest ones this week. We take like women, they like you to be open and honest. Men would just like to come home and watch TV. He likes you to be physically attractive, and we'll talk about that. Believe it or not, believe it or not, Steven, when you first saw Miranda, you didn't say, Oh, Miranda, I just love the Bible study you do. No. No, you did not. You're in church, and when I give the invitation, instead of standing here, go confess your sins. He said to Miranda, I don't care if you do Bible study or not, baby. You look good. I still say that. And then she wants intimate conversation. And Richie, we'll talk about that later.

James Greer: [00:02:58] You and Joy. But next week, next week, no, we have to skip it. We got Mother's Day, and I decided Mother's Day, we don't want to talk about some of men's greatest needs is sexual fulfillment. And I said, Well, I'll skip that on Mother's Day. Amen? And all the women said. And so we'll skip that. But they do like to have financial support, and we'll talk about that. But not Mother's Day. We'll have a Mother's Day. And recreation, companionship, men like that. And we'll talk about that not next week, but the next week. I mean, Mother's Day message is going to be great. I was going to say it's the Proverbs 31 woman. Nobody can be the Proverbs 31 woman. If you preach totally on the Proverbs 31 woman, all the women wouldn't come to church. But we are going to refer to her, but we're going to refer to the Psalms 31 woman as well. And she is a woman that really struggles and shares her real struggles. But yet then eventually she says, my trust is in the Lord. So you want to come to the Mother's Day message. Plus, we're going to give away a free gift. Amen? All right. His needs and her needs. Let me tell you, no matter what, whether you're single or not, the Bible says, unless the Lord build a house, you labor in vain. So beginning whether you're single, married, or what, God says, the Lord has to build your house or you're going to have an emptiness in your house, this house.

[00:04:21] The Bible says in Song of Solomon, it's the little foxes that spoil the vine. In other words, if you're not careful, whether it's a relationship with a husband and a wife, whether it's a relationship with friends, if you're not careful, it's the little things that keep building up, building up, building up and you didn't take care of it. Then one day you just blow up. And most of the time, it's not what you think it is. It was the little things that you didn't take care of. And all of a sudden, something came up and you just exploded. And then you say, Wow, I wonder what's wrong with him or wonder what's wrong with her? Well, it's all those little things you didn't take care of. The best way to handle relationships, friends, married, church, whatever, is start taking care of the problems as they come up. Amen? You know, we love falling in love. It's so hard staying in love. Falling in love is fun. Staying in love takes work. Falling in love is exciting. Staying in love is not always that exciting. See, staying in love, if you're not careful, people say, hey, I'm going to stay in love, and it's based on emotions. No, not necessarily. Emotions come and go. True love sticks through thick and thin and hardship and hurts and pains.

James Greer: [00:05:43] And falling in love, it's an emotional thrill. Staying in love takes work like what you're going to do today. The truth is, it's the same with Jesus. Man, don't you remember when you fell in love with Jesus? Was that not exciting or what? Staying in love with Jesus takes a lot of work. It takes confession. It takes reading the Bible. It takes coming to church. It takes having an open heart. It takes being receptive, even today. I mean, it's different falling in love, staying in love. But we're going to talk about some really simple, simple things today. We're going to talking about his needs, her needs. We're going to narrow it down just to about three, mainly two of the women's and one of the men's. And it's going to be briefly and hopefully, you'll take the test and you'll be honest with each other. Three of the women's needs eventually and three of the men's needs. But we don't have time for all of them. So today, we're going to talk about women, I want you to be honest and open. Y'all, men, you ready, you ready? They want intimate conversation without sex. What's that? I don't know. I'm just telling you what the book said. I'm just trying to help y'all. And the younger you are, less sense it really makes. But anyway, anyway, anyway. And then he wants you to be physically attractive, believe it or not.

James Greer: [00:07:14] And we'll talk about that. And then next, skip a week and then we'll talk about some of his needs. I won't even tell you what they are today because you won't come back that Sunday. Let's talk about hers. Open and honest. That builds trust. When we're open and honest with our wives, it gives them a sense of security. You do know one of the number one things, listen, guys, that women want, they want feel secure. They want to feel they can trust you. They want to feel security. And I'll tell you, that comes when you're open with them. You talk to them about your likes, your future, your dreams. You know, it builds trust. It builds intimacy. True to trust, though, first of all, must be in the Lord. You can't get all your trust and security from your mate, neither one of you. If you're totally trying to get your trust and security from your mate, you ready? You'll drain that person dry. Now, you should trust them. They should help you find security. But your first trust should come from Lord. The Proverbs tells you, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. If you're not, your own understanding will run away with you. I'm going to teach you that you can trust in your mate, but your true confidence and security has to come from God and then your mate.

James Greer: [00:08:43] And that equals greater security than you could ever imagine. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He'll direct your paths. See, your mate wants to know, y'all ready, guys? Your mate wants to know that you're getting your direction from God. There's nothing that brings more security and confidence in your mate than she says, Hey, my husband is getting his direction from God. Did you know that my wife makes time for me to spend with God? Do you know that she allows for that? I used to think, Man, what a sacrifice she's making. Now I know that that brings her security and confidence because she says, he's not just making an emotional decision. He's getting some of his direction from God. And it's gone so long, when we really fight about something, she says, Have you talk to God about that? A lot of times, I hadn't. I just want to win. I can tell you, men, you want to give some security to your wife? Let her see that you're getting your direction from God. Because He gives us the right direction. Proverbs 3:7 says, Don't be wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord. Depart from evil. This is why. It will be health to the flesh and strength to the bone. Knowing God giving you direction not only brings security to your mate, it gives you physical health, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

James Greer: [00:10:13] Did you know the Bible says that if you get your direction from God and you'll depend upon Him, it'll not only help you physically and spiritually, but it gives you better health. Isn't that something? Listen to this. It will be heath to the flesh and strength to the bone. The right trust helps you physical health, gives you more stamina, and not so emotionally drained. We've never lived in a time in our whole history where so many people are so emotionally drained. Amen? Well, God, here's a verse for you. Then listen to this verse, verse 3:9. Honor the Lord with your what? Possessions. And with the first fruit of your increase. Why would you do that? The Bible says to do that because you want more security? You give your wife security because she says, my husband trusts God enough he's going to make sure that the first 10th of everything we get goes to God. That takes trust. That takes faith. I mean, your wife's going to say, oh, I can't believe you're doing that. You're going to give the first 10% to God. You're going to say, Yeah, because I trust God. It all belongs to Him. Because the next verse says, so your barns are going to be filled with plenty and your vats are going to overflow with wine. You can never outgive God. When your wife wants to be secure, you need to be taking the initiative.

James Greer: [00:11:47] And 90% of the time, it's your dadgum wife, you bunch of wusses. Bruce, cut that part out. Anyway. I got to think that one through. I know it's too late now. Probably time to sit down. Getting too much of my energy back. Anyway. Men, your wife will get more secure if you'll take the lead. How about that? She wants to know that you're getting your direction from God. It'll help you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You take the lead on giving the first 10th, and it'll bring her security. What that also means, let's get real, real serious. She wants you to take the lead where you don't get too much in debt. Do you know what happens to couples? Men, you don't do that. And so they get so in debt. Then they're under so much pressure. And then it's partly your fault. Wouldn't it be something if you stepped up and stood up and said, Honey, I don't want to get in debt because I know we're going to be under so much pressure. Let's do our best to live within the boundaries that we make. But I'm already in debt. I know. So just do our best to get out of debt. Now you're bringing security because she says, the most important thing in my life is him taking care of me. Love is given. Intimate trust is built over time through the right behavior and action. Love is given. Trust is what we're talking about. Trust.

James Greer: [00:13:57] Trust is built over time through the right behavior and action. Trust is what all great relationships are built on. You want to be able to trust your mate. Amen? Say well, you've already violated their trust. Start over. Start over with God. You confess it, and He'll forgive you. And you can start over right over. But your mate's not going to do that. You confess it. Okay, good. Let's have some time. Prove it. I can still love you. But I want to trust you. You give me the right actions and the right behavior over a period of time, I'll trust you again. Amen? I mean, that's the way God is. God is the God of a second chance, a third chance. And He wants you to be. Amen? But don't keep on. But 1 Peter 4:8 says, And above all things have fervent love one for another. Why? Love will cover a multitude of sins. Aren't you glad God covers the multitude of sins in our life? Amen? And husbands and wives, we should cover each other's sins in a multitudes of ways. But jealousy is birthed out of lack of trust. That's where jealousy comes. Jealousy is birthed out of a lack of trust. It's usually because of something in the past. But listen real close. You can have jealousy in a marriage because of something in the past, and it might not be your past.

James Greer: [00:15:30] It might be in their past. It might be something they did in their past. And now they don't trust you because of what they did. It might be something in their past that somebody, A relationship they had and their spouse did, and now they don't trust you because of what they did. All jealousy and trust is not necessarily based on what this mate did. Sometimes it's what the baggage is that other mate brought into the marriage. Do you all understand that? So but without self-awareness, you can be jealous of your mate and not realize you brought it into the marriage from a previous relationship. So open your eyes and ask God to search your heart. Amen? Where you and your mate can come closer together. Amen, Brother James. That's good. Second, oh, I love this one. I actually have fun. Second, he needs physical attraction. Now I know what the Bible says. I know Psalms 139:4 says, You're fearfully and wonderfully made. You are for somebody. You are. Listen, somebody thinks you're ugly, and somebody else thinks you're pretty. That's just the way God did it. I mean, it is true. Hadn't you ever seen somebody and you think, holy Moses? And then that other person looks at them, and they say, Oh, they are so pretty. And it's just like babies in the hospital. Some babies are so ugly. That's why I don't go anymore.

James Greer: [00:17:00] And they say, isn't my baby so pretty? And you have to laugh. And you know that baby's ugly. Same thing with people. Believe it or not, believe it or not, believe it or not, ladies, they didn't marry you or go after you and caught you because they thought, oh, she goes to Bible study three days a week. I'm going to chase her down and ask her to go out. I heard she prays all the time. In fact, all my life, I don't know anybody that's ever done that. Now you may have saw her at church and thought, Oh, she's good looking. I'm going to ask her out later on. I hope she still is sweet as she comes to church, but I don't care right now. I'm just trying to tell you the truth. That's what I say. What do you think about her? Oh, she's so sweet. You know what that means? She's sweet for somebody else but not me, brother. That's what, she's sweet. But don't worry. Don't worry. What ugly is to somebody else is beautiful. That's what it is. I'm trying to tell you, men, men, men, they're more attracted and turned on by what somebody looks like, especially at first. You know, and then as it goes on, they hope they're sweet. I'm just telling you. He married you at first because he was attracted to you, and then he's hoping you pray and you're sweet.

James Greer: [00:18:42] The problem is that the longer the relation goes on, then the physical attraction, it has to turn into more spiritual. I mean, I can tell you who wrote this in the Bible. It says, Don't be concerned, ladies, about your outward beauty if you're already married. Doesn't say that. I'm just helping. I'm just trying to help you. Okay? Don't be concerned about your outward beauty if you're already married. That depends on jewelry and beautiful clothes and your hair arrangement if you've already met somebody and they love you. Be beautiful on the inside. That's great especially if you're married. In your heart. It's lasting charm and gentle and quiet spirit. That's so precious to God. It is to God. That kind and deep beauty was seen in the women of old who trust God and fitted in their husband's plans. She's married. I'll say, don't try to be ugly. This was written for wives. If you're not concerned about your outward beauty, don't worry because you're not going to get married in the first place. I understand what it meant. Inward beauty is very, very important. It is. But I can assure you, every man, every husband wants a wife do the best she can with what she got.

James Greer: [00:20:25] Now, that doesn't mean just wear the lowest thing or the tightest thing you can. I mean, do the most fitting thing with what you got. Get your hair fixed the best you can for your age and your style. Put the right makeup on. I don't mean to be an Indian warrior, but I mean, you know? You know what I'm talking about. And men, that applies to you. I know some men, you go hunting and fishing, you come in and you smell like a pig and want to go to bed. That doesn't work either. Take a bath. Yeah. Look the best you can. Dress appropriate for your age and your style. Being attractive doesn't mean show what you got to everybody else in the world. Some things need to be left for private. But anyway. Look attractive to your spouse. When you look attractive, you're depositing love units to his life. You know, I'm just asking, just asking. This is funny. This is good. This is good. Ladies, I got an idea. Why don't you ask your husband how he likes you to look and dress? No, no. I want to ask my little girlfriends. They don't care. Most of them are lying. They want you to be ugly where they look good. Who are you trying to please anyway? Your girlfriend or your husband? I've heard women all the time say, Have you ever asked him? I don't care what he thinks. Who are you going home to? Him or her? I mean, really. Why not ask him? I got to move on. I got to move on. Y'all got the idea? Say amen. Okay. I'm not a real good communicator, but I think you got that. Number three, number three. She needs and wants intimate conversation. Intimate conversation? Oh, well. Most men think it's a conversation is this. Hey, honey, I love you. Exactly right. Hey, honey, I love you. Turn lights out.

James Greer: [00:22:40] That's intimate. That's what they think. They want to focus on your interests, your problems, what's going on in your life? True, intimate conversation doesn't have to be planned. It becomes a lifestyle. You come home and you talk to your wife. She talks to you. What's going on in your life? What's been happening? The truth is I could not have made it in the ministry for sure without a wife like I have, one that I can come and tell her everything in my life, my hurts, my pains, things I've gone through, the deep hurts and sorrows. Because the ministry is beautiful, but it's also very brutal. People that you love, you pour your heart out to, maybe you married them, buried part of their families. And without them calling you, they leave the church. Staff that you thought you loved, and they go off and get hired for somebody else without even telling you. People say things about you publicly that don't even know you. Lies most of the time. I don't even defend myself. My kids get so ticked off. They're going to try to defend me. And I have to call them and say, Don't defend me, please don't defend me. The public things that are said, private things, lies. It's horrible. If you stay in the ministry very long, you better have a wife that you can talk to.

James Greer: [00:24:02] I talk to her about anything and everything because it's horrible. I mean, it's great, but it's horrible. And so I would not have made it without a wife that I could talk intimate conversation where I could share my heart about personal matters, private matters, financial matters, anything in the world. And knowing that she's going to be there to listen to me. Everybody needs somebody that they can talk to like that. I'm blessed. There's other intimate conversations that most men don't understand. I'm going to have Richie and Joy come up, and I'm going to let you guys have this. I can tell You. Song of Solomon, men, y'all write this down. Song of Solomon, chapter 4 verses 1 through 5 and then ends up in 7. And I want y'all to read this to your wife tonight. This is real, intimate conversation, Richie, I want you to really read it now like you mean it. And Joy, I want you to. Has this been fun or what? Amen? Y'all want to have some more fun? Okay, men, I want y'all to read this tonight to your husband, I mean, to your wife. Okay? All right. Richie, you probably should be on your knees.

Richie Thornton: [00:25:13] Well, so much of it has to do with her face, Pastor.

James Greer: [00:25:16] Okay, go ahead. And some other things.

Richie Thornton: [00:25:23] How beautiful are you, my love? How your eyes shine behind your veil. Your hair dances like a flock of goats bounding down the hills of Gilead. Your teeth, baby, they are as white as the sheep that have just been shorn and washed, and not one of them is missing. They're all perfectly matched. Your lips, it's like a scarlet ribbon. How lovely are they when you speak? And your cheeks, they glow behind your veil. Your neck, it's like the Tower of David. It's so round and smooth with a necklace like a thousand shields hung around it. And your breasts, baby, they're like gazelles, like two twin deer feeding among the lilies. How beautiful you are, my love. Perfect in every way.

James Greer: [00:27:07] Tell me the Bible's not fun. Amen? I can't wait to hear you guys reading that to your wife. Anybody else want to come up here and practice? I have an extra microphone. No volunteers? I see people upstairs. Are y'all raising your hands? Thank you, Richie and Joy. Y'all did very good. Hey, men, if you don't understand how to have intimate conversations, we will loan you those verses. That's pretty good. Eyes like doves, like a flock of goats. You're not missing any teeth. Your breasts are like twin fawns. I don't know, man. I like it. I got to get ready to close. I'm getting off track. Way off track. Anyway. Most of all these are principles apply to any, except for that one, any relationship at all. In relationships, period, you need to be trustworthy and honest, single or married. And you need to be trusted. And you need to be honest. You need to be truthful and honest with your mate. But if you're not married, are you truthful and honest with God right now? In other words, do you think you're where you ought to be with God? I mean, are you just truthful with God? Yes or no? God said, Hey, are you really doing what I want you to do if you confess your known sins? You know, if you're single, you still need to look the best you can. I'm not trying. You're not overdo it. But if you're married, you do still. It doesn't matter just because you're married. You still need to be attractive to your husband.

James Greer: [00:29:35] And he needs to do the best he can as well. If you're married, you need to work at your mate needs to be your best friend. You need to be able to share your deepest hurts and concerns both ways. She does too. And you do too. I just don't know how you make it without doing that. Husbands and wives, you've got really hurts through life. That's just life. If you don't share it with each other, they end up sharing it with somebody else. I don't know what to tell you. You can only hurt so bad, so deep, and so long. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying it happens. I strongly suggest you let down your guard and you share with each other. Because you have to share or you'll break down. I've done it before. And those that are sharing with the wrong people, I want you to stop it. And you're saying, well, my husband just won't listen so I'm sharing with some guy or some guy at work or something. Stop that. Same thing with you guys. You share it with some lady. Stop it. That isn't what God created you for. You lay down, you go, and you be honest, and you say, honey or husband, I need to be able to share with you. I want to be able to talk to you.

James Greer: [00:31:05] God put you in my life for a purpose. I share my heart with you, and I need to celebrate with you. I need to be able to cry with you. That's what life's about. That's how the two become one. And it's okay. Life's not perfect. It's not perfect. It's not perfect for your mate either. The truth is they need to be able to do the same thing. God knows you best. There's no better time in my life. I very seldom, seldom pray for myself. I pray for my mate. I pray for other people that are hurting. That's an intimate time with God. God created husband and wife to have an intimate relationship, but it's really to be a type of intimacy with God. You need those times. You need those times that you can go with God and you can feel His power and His presence and you feel like when even all hell's breaking loose, that God's going to take care of me. If you don't have that, I can tell you He wants you to have it. And today's the day to come. I'll tell you, God's presence is here. God's power is here. God's people are here. And He said, Don't go home fearful and afraid. Come and say, God, I'm here. I want to talk to you. I want to pour out my heart to you. I'm going to leave with your power and your presence.

James Greer: [00:32:25] If you're not intimate with your mate, if you're not intimate with a friend, if you're single, whatever, hey, man, come to God this morning and say, God, I need that intimate relationship with you and He wants you to have it. You don't have to leave today. You got to accept Him as your Lord and Savior. You got to say that, just, God, I have sinned. Forgive me my sin. I believe Jesus died on the cross. Please come into my heart. Say, I've done that. Well, confess your sins to Him and get right with other people. Just come to Him and pour out your heart. I'm going to tell you. I think He wants that. I think He wants it even more than your mate. He wants to be with you and to be there with you. And He will. You're His friend now. After He died, He said, Hey, you're not my servants anymore. You're my friend. God is now your Father, just like He is mine. So I don't think there's any better time than today then you come to Him as your friend. You come to God as your Father. And you leave with an intimate relationship like you've never had. Would you stand and let me pray with you and for you? God, I thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ. Because of Him, we can go to the Father. We can have a more intimate relationship than we've ever had.

James Greer: [00:33:44] That's what relationships are all about. They're about trust and being honest, being open, sharing, being truthful, having somebody we can pour our heart out to, somebody that says He'll never leave us, He'll never forsake us, who said He'll be there for us, He'll be there with us. God, this morning, I know there's people that are hurting. God, I pray today that you begin to comfort them already, that they could feel your power and your presence just in a supernatural way. God, I pray for those that don't know you, today they'd give their life to Jesus Christ. For those that have never been baptized, today is the day, say, Hey, man, I know that's the next step to be intimate with God. I want to come. I want to say, Hey, I want to do that. Some of y'all just need somebody to pray with and pray for. And I pray you don't worry about anybody else. You just come to the altar. You just pour out your heart. Maybe you came with fear, and I want you to know that God didn't give you a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and a sound mind. Maybe you've just been visiting and today you want to make it official that this is your church home. Whatever God's called you to do, I pray that you'd come this morning and that God have His will and His way. In the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Bruce Goulart: [00:34:54] Man, what an amazing message that was from Pastor James. Hey, we all have needs. Everybody in this world has needs. And y'all, I hope that message is brought home today and that you can bring that this week into your life. Because I know there's a lot that he talked about and a lot that went on even with Pastor Richie coming up. Y'all, hey, take that to heart. Man, we should start caring for each other and especially our spouses and saying those nice things. Hey, y'all, we all have needs and we all need to meet each other's needs. Also, I want to say thank you so much for being with us this morning. But if you would like to take your next step, hey, you can text the word MOVE to the number (318) 413-6422 and someone will get with you right away. But again, I want to say thank you for being with us, and I hope to see you next week.

Recorded in Pineville, Louisiana.
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Journey Church
2900 Donahue Ferry Rd
Pineville, Louisiana 71360